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A lonely job

11/27/2017

1 Comment

 
Writing a book is pretty much a solo effort. Unless you're working with a team of researchers, I suppose. But this wasn't that kind of book. It's my personal story and my own perspective on the important issues of the day. So I've lived as an introvert much of the time, over the course of three years, to write it.

But when it comes time to promote a book, one has to transform into an extrovert. Get out there and talk to people, ask people on the phone to participate in events, speak in front of audiences (if you can swing it), and so on.

It's a huge effort, it seems, so I don't blame anyone who has been "writing a book" for years but somehow never gets around to finishing it or publishing it.  It's a real job!

So now I realize that I've thrown myself so totally into it, I've neglected my own social life, to an extent. Yes, I'm still attending certain events, parties, and other gatherings, but having spent so much time and money on bringing this book to fruition, I'm a little low on financial resources (not actually broke, but my reserves are definitely down!). So no more expensive weekend workshops and a lot fewer Meetups with entrance fees that add up. And a lot less volunteer work. Charity begins at home, they say, and right now, I'm due. Anyway, my book is a kind of volunteer work. I didn't write it just for my own ego or to make a lot of money. I wrote it because I saw people around me struggling these days so I wanted to give them something to help change their focus from what's disturbing to what's positive; from feeling despondent and hopeless to feeling positive and energized.

Anyway, now that winter is coming, I find myself at home a lot in the evenings, making my own dinners (for both financial and health reasons). Standing in the kitchen preparing, then sitting at the dining room table, eating alone.  (Occasionally my roommate, a graduate student, joins me, but often he's on campus working late, or upstairs on his computer.)

And no romantic partner for now. For over a year, I've been without anyone. Sleeping alone on one side of a queen sized bed. Wondering if I've somehow left no time for anyone in my life! How do I find a balance between promoting my book faithfully, and my personal life? After all, the clock is ticking! Once a book comes out, it's only "new" for about six months. After that, bookstores have moved on to newer books to promote, so opportunities for readings & signing events drops, and reviews online are harder to come by. So I have to soldier on, at least through the winter.

They say four hugs per day is an important part of "balanced emotional diet."  I think I'm running a deficit.
1 Comment

A way forward? Let's get started, please.

11/24/2017

2 Comments

 
I remember "women's consciousness raising groups" in the 1960s and 1970s during the second wave of feminism.  So, now I'm thinking about a different kind of group.
I'll call them "Mixed gender listening sessions" at the moment. Held in my living room, perhaps. Let's say about 6 to 8 people, an equal number of women and men, roughly speaking (gender not being so binary, but we'll try to have a diversity). One person at a time speaks, tells their story of how sexism has impacted them.
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Each person gets to talk while the others just listen without comments, suggestions, or questions.  You get about 10 minutes or so each.  Someone keeps track of time, so we all get a chance.  Then we join in a conversation to identify common ground among us all. We see where it goes. We keep it civil and we each report our own experience with minimal generalizing. We agree on confidentiality at the start and no touching of any kind without express permission. Something like that.

​So, ... what do you think?  Would you like to participate? You can message me privately via the "Contact Us" menu here on this web site. And thank you!
2 Comments

Thanksgiving Day

11/23/2017

1 Comment

 
On this day, I reflect on two things: One, all that I have that I am grateful for - my life, my health, my family, my friends, a safe place to live, food on the table, the lights that stay on, the running water, the warmth in winter. Two, all the tragic things my ancestors and the ancestors of others who came here from Europe did to take this land from those who lived here hundreds of years ago.
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I have begun to see this time of year in a new way. I grew up with cute pictures of turkeys and "settlers" stuck up on the classroom walls when I was a child. I didn't know any better than that. Now, I reflect on the great loss endured by the indigenous people who inhabited this continent hundreds of years ago, misnamed after a different continent (that being India). I am embarrassed that It has taken all this time for me to finally start to ask, what can I do to even begin to right this wrong? There are likely many options. My challenge is to find a balance between what might be needed and my capacity to contribute.  A balance between maintaining a day for expressions of gratitude for abundance, and a day (or a month) to atone for what was done.
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1 Comment

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    Glenn C. Koenig is a 'gender activist' and a generalist now promoting love in the world.

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